Another sleepless night. I’m trying to get a moment of peace; trying to make my mind just shut up! Everytime I close my eyes, all the struggles from the past year surface. I toss and turn throughout the night wondering why I feel this way. I lay there thinking, “Why is all this happening to me? Have I not sacrificed enough in my life!” I think I should just quit, tell them I do not have what it takes to be a M. Is it all my fault? Am I doing something wrong? With all I have given up, Father, do you even care what is happening to me?

It was around 2am and I gave up trying to sleep. I grabbed the Word, hoping Father would just talk to me and here is what I read:

On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, ‘Let us go across to the other side.’ And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And the other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, ‘Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?’ And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, ‘Peace! Be still!’ And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, ‘Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?’ And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, ‘Who then is this that even the wind and the sea obey him?’

-Mark 4:35-41                                                                                          

When I read these verses what comes to mind is JC calming the storm. In fact, in many of our books it is titled JC Calms the Storm. But, what about verse 35? JC said to his disciples, “Let us go across to the other side.” He ends the passage saying, “Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?” I have read these verses many times and even quoted them to people, letting them know that JC calms the storms in our lives. It wasn’t until this night that the verses beginning and ending this passage took on new meaning.

When reading the passage again, I see JC giving the disciples a promise, “Let us go across to the other side.” How many times has Father told us to go somewhere? How many times has Father promised to take us to the other side? In fact, I remember when Father called me to begin my journey. Just like the disciples, I followed in faith. Just like the disciples, I did not see the storm up ahead. I forgot when Father called me He did not say it would be easy. However, He did say “let US go across to the other side.” I am not alone, He is with me.

JC knew His disciples would make it to the other side, so He was ‘asleep in the cushions.’ He was with His disciples, as He promised. Yet, when the windstorm arose and the waves started breaking into the boat, the disciples became very afraid! They saw nothing but the storm. They believed this was their end. In fact, they got so upset at JC for sleeping “they woke Him, and said to Him, ‘Teacher do you not care that we are perishing?’”

How often do we say that to Father? When the storms rise in our lives, we forget His promises about ‘going to the other side.’ I know for me, I begin to only see the storm I am in. I begin to panic, and just like the disciples, I am yelling at Him, “Do you not care about me? Do you see what I am going through? Why are you sleeping?” Yet, I so easily forget His promise from the beginning, “Let US go across to the other side.” Not, “Let me send YOU (alone) to the other side.” Or “We are going to the other side, and it’s going be nice and easy.” It was, “Let US go across to the other side.” Just like the disciples, I become afraid, forgetting to look at the big picture. I lose sight of my faith and need to be reminded, “Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?” I forget the promise that comes with going to the other side. I forget that He did not send me alone. Sometimes I forget that I need to go through the storm with JC to make it to the other side.

I wrote this blog while living overseas. I thought I would be serving in Chad for two years, April 2012-April 2014. Yet, on March 17, 2013, I had to leave Chad unexpectedly. I stayed in transition for nearly a month, waiting to see where God was going to send me next in Ethiopia. On April 3, 2013, I was finally sent to Cairo, Egypt. This was a HUGE transition, in a short amount of time. I had a new team, Arabic dialect, and culture to learn. Not only that, June 29, 2013 marked the Second Egyptian Revolution. Involving 14million people, it was the biggest protest in Egypt. This Revolution continued throughout the rest of my term in Egypt. Sometimes it was so bad I would have to flee the country or stay indoors.

I tell you all this, to give you a picture of where I was when I wrote this blog. I was struggling and the storms were getting big. Though I was struggling, God reminded me I was not alone. Thanks to Lottie Moon Christmas Offering I was able to go overseas and share the Gospel in two countries in the midst of their own storms. God called me to be a light to people in both Chad and Egypt. God never sent me alone. My sending church at the time, and other Southern Baptist Churches were supporting me through prayer and through the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering. When we contribute to the LMCO, we support missionaries like me, striving to be a light to the nations. We become a part of the US in “Let us go…”

-Jessica